This was a kind of botched British tapas; a melange of anchovy, chicken stew, tuna, fried chicken wings and soft cheese triangles, thrown together like a 70’s punk band; without any thought for good taste.

The anchovy is a strange fish, one of the few fish to become a pizza topping. A highly scented sprat that comes in a jar. Just tip them on a plate and they’re done.

The chicken stew was just thigh with the skin pulled off and slow cooked in some water with herbs in it. I opened and added some chopped mixed stew vegetables. It turned out more of a broth and no-one ate it. Not exactly finger food.

The best was Joe’s sizzling tuna, the recipe for this is on the site somewhere.

If punk is the tapas of the urban guerrilla, this is the best fish since Sild Vicious.

First of all you’ve got to be hungry enough to open up the bag of pollocks that’s been festering in the freezer.

Pour milk into a saucepan, enough to cover the fish

Top up whatever milk you don’t have with water and bring to a simmer

Put a couple of frozen cubes of spinach into the milk and defrost

Cut an onion up into little bits and add

Place a jacket potato in the microwave and blast on full power for 6 minutes

Whilst this is microwaving, tip the pollock in the pan.

If it doesn’t fit, it snaps easily by the way

Stir it all round until it seems cooked, the pollock bag I bought suggested 6 minutes

Add herbs and such like to taste

Add Country Life butter (of course) to the potato and serve alongside fish.

Rage Cuisine Tip:

Never mind the pollocks. God save the bream.

Pollock bag image spotted by Mr I. Seale Esq in Southend News Network

Image of John Lyndon from Country Life Ad. Possibly not a public image. No infringement intended.

Had this one last night, sizzling tuna served in a saucepan.

Saute onion in butter, add tuna, black pepper, red chilli powder, garlic powder, garlic paste and some hot chilli sauce.

When the butter is getting dry put an egg in the middle, wait will the sides of the egg turn white but the yolk is still raw, and mix it all together. Add one fork per person and serve with Glen Morangie.

Eston blooming phall, is a rather hot curry served in the mysterious foothills of Eston not far from the enigmatic remains of the ski- village.

Fry up a lot of chopped chicken breast, onions, ginger and garlic

Make a paste with cumin, chilli and garam masala and add to the pan

It’s not every day that you try to combine a fairly robust fish recipe with a princess, especially one who’s in line to eventually assume the highest perch in the land.

This skate is formerly of a Scottish school, is noted for its distinctive crown, and is a fish fit for a king. Long may she ray’n.

Quiche is a much misunderstood flan and savoury bake. Whereas its origins in French cuisine may not have done its tough guy reputation any favours, it was the 1982 book Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche which finally put the kibosh on it.

In reality, making a quiche is a challenge that only a true hard case would attempt. Some ghetto pimps are rumoured to bake nothing else. The recipe is as follows:

Uh huh huh.

The recipe contains vegetables in pastry (blue swede choux), and was fried in amazing grease. I cooked and ate the meal in the place where I live, basically in the gateau. The recipe is as follows:

Heat an oven up to 200C and boil some water in a pan

There are some romantic occasions where an element of sultry sophistication can be conjured by the mere presence of a husky-voiced companion. This traditional dish is delicious in it’s own right, as well as having the temporary side effect of giving you the larynx of an 80 year old bluesman.